omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
