WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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