How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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