I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
