cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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