I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
