Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
