I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
