She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
