Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
