wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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