In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
