Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I see more hoeing in ur future
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