im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
