I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
