Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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