Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
