I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
