absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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