i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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