He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
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