I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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