apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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