my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He shit in the fireplace
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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