I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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