Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
