11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
