I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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