He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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