I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
