is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
