fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
