I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize