I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
