After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
