Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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