You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
