Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Randomize
