If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize