Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
