i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
