Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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