I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
