I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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