apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
