i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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