I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
