My sheets look like a crime scene.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
