ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
