i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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