I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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