who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
