Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
