If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
