You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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