my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
