a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
no more duck duck goose at the bar
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
