Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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