You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
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