Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
