why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
