She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
