But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
