I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
