I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
