Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
