i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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