Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
