No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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