Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
COCAINE IS GR8
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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